Anorexia due to love
Evening, I went to a friend’s house as a guest.
The table was full, and my friend introduced me to an anxious father. His 17-year-old daughter has suffered from anorexia for 5 years.
This father repeatedly explained to my daughter’s eating habits that she was not greasy or sugary, and no fruit could exist in front of her-because it contained sugar.
If you do n’t eat it yourself, even your parents are not allowed to eat it.
Parents love to drink and eat, but their daughter can’t control the elbows.
In fact, this situation is very typical. Bruch, a pioneer scholar of anorexia, recorded such a case in the early stage. In order to maintain 98 pounds, the patient kept the whole family disturbed, and no food was allowed in the family.Every time my mother goes out to buy vegetables, she has to discard the leftover food, because she is afraid that she can’t bear eating too much, which will destroy her weight.
When reviewing homework, parents are not allowed beside her, because she cannot tolerate the voice of others.
She has been admitted to hospital for treatment several times, but her actions are getting more and more violent. Finally, her parents are afraid to run away from home, and all the news will be passed on to others.
The illusion of anorexia and the truth is the biggest nemesis of the parents, as if the children suffer from anorexia or overeating.
Anorexia in the West is mostly physical; anorexia in the East is often due to emotions.
Looking at the ancient description of anorexia, in addition to the cultural trend of King Chu’s thin waist and the starvation in the palace, I think the most interesting is the Ming Dynasty Tang Xianzu’s book “Peony Pavilion”.
The little girl in the book, Du Li Niang, didn’t leave home. She had a dream under the Peony Pavilion in the back garden. She dreamed of meeting with her lover.
If Du Li Niang refused to eat because of love, it might as well say that she was on a hunger strike for an illusion.
In the cases of anorexia I have seen myself, there are indeed several symptoms similar to Du Li Niang. These young girls are in good condition, but somehow they ca n’t leave the house, they ca n’t cover the outside world, and there are even many people who have gone abroad, But always go back home by all means, entangled in the relationship between parents, maintaining an iron triangle situation.
I asked one of the dying girls why they starved to death?
She said, because I want my parents to know how warm our past days are, I want to reply to that time.
Later I learned that the girl’s parents did love before, but the couple slowly accumulated a period of resentment and it became more and more difficult to live together.
However, they rarely make a noise. The stubborn mother only cares about her face and ignores her husband.
The daughter wakes up every day, the first thing is to tell the mother, can you make your face look better?
The mother was so angry that she didn’t understand why her daughter repeated a sentence every day, but only felt disgusted.
The daughter’s illusion was not her own affection, another parental affection.
A person who grows up normally between reason and anorexia will let go no matter how many contradictions between the parents can’t resolve, knowing that he has to go his own way, and can’t carry his parents forever.
But many young people with eating disorders often turn their parents’ affairs into their own affairs.
Therefore, we ask this disease to grow up.
Another girl, who thought her father was too masculine, was sick for eight years.
Always involve both parents.
She said to her father, would you have listened to me in a low voice without me?
Even her mother said to her, there are many things in our previous generation that you can’t understand. You can leave us alone and take care of your own affairs.
But her daughter couldn’t understand.
For many years, she only accepted the vortex of her parents. She had no dreams of her own, only her parents’ affairs.
These patients are very sane when they are awake, and have high analytical ability, but when they become ill, they immediately become a child who cannot control themselves.
Before Christmas, a young girl announced in front of her parents. I thought about it. I ca n’t put productivity on you anymore. I ‘ve spent too much time watching my peers accomplish something. It ‘s me.Inconsistent with the world around me this week, I will stop chasing after the horse, this life is over.
She said that was her New Year wish.
Anorexia, forced or forced?
But before the New Year came, she cried and called me, saying that she had failed again. “I looked at my mother’s angry face, and no one comforted her at all, and how much I hurt her and how much I was with herHeart to heart, why doesn’t she know what I want?
“If only I found a boyfriend, she said, maybe that person would help me out of my predicament.”
Another sample of Du Li Niang.
The mentality of these young patients is very complicated and full of parasites, like a tree trunk planted indoors, unable to reach the sky of the telescope, but only constantly developing inward. I see a lot of this type of anorexia. They are not afraid of fat, or even the outside world. They are slightly frustrated, and they want to return to their mothers or send their anger to their parents.
Many parents are misguided and entangled. As a result, they are entangled and inextricably entangled. They struggle hard, and the patient is as distressed as his family.
Especially coaxial entanglement is even more difficult.
In the case I dealt with myself, the most difficult thing was a girl who had been sick for 8 years. She was skinny and skinny, but she refused to be admitted to hospital for treatment. She said, “I don’t like others forcing me to do things I don’t want to do!”
At a critical juncture, you don’t want to be forced, you have to be forced.
It just happened that her parents not only did not save people, but helped her daughter, saying that everyone has their own aspirations, she must die, and we can only fulfill her.
The mother burst into tears and didn’t expect to save her daughter. Instead, she asked me to let go. The daughter sat alive in front of her, but her father said that she had nothing but to do with her life.
On the surface, this pair of parents seems very unreasonable, but if you understand that this family has been fighting the disease for many years, their mentality and feelings have long been dominated by their daughter’s anorexia, there is no logic on either side.
After a lot of hard work, let parents talk as much as possible.
Only then did they make up their minds, catch their daughter and send them to the hospital, and let the doctor take care of her daughter’s problems.
The doctor was shocked after the girl had done the test. According to the normal human condition, this girl should have died. Fortunately, her body adapted to the current situation in the case of long-term resistance to the disease, but she was about to die. After half a year of treatment,Only rescued her.
Interestingly, the girl became fat, her menstrual period returned, and she had returned to school, but she had to rush home every day to have lunch with her mother.
To avoid conflict with his daughter, his father found a part-time job at night and was afraid to go home.
The daughter said that her biggest heart was her parents ‘marriage disagreement. Until now, the daughter still said: I am not willing, because of my parents’ problems, I sacrificed 8 years, and they still have not reconciled.
But she didn’t know that her way to save her mother was to drive her father away.
I asked her: If they continue the Cold War, will you starve yourself again?
She said: Do n’t starve yourself, what else can you do?
I said: Parents, you can die for them, or you can turn a deaf ear to your ears. You can concentrate on reading. You can make friends with your peers.At present, do not eat, starve to nothing?
There are really many things that can be done. All people with heart disease do not know that they can make choices, or rather, they are unwilling to make choices.